The Conversations Men Avoid—and Why We Need to Have Them

It’s easy to ask a man how work is going. Ask him how he’s doing in his marriage, what divorce changed about him, or whether he’s struggling emotionally, and the conversation can get a lot quieter.

Those are the subjects at the center of my episode with Jeff Clermont: “The Conversation MEN Avoid | Marriage | Divorce | Mental Health.”

Jeff and I have known each other for more than 20 years. There’s something meaningful about making space for these topics with someone who has known you through different chapters of your life. But this conversation also raises a question that reaches beyond our friendship: How much do we really know about the people we assume are doing fine?

When “I’m Good” Ends the Conversation

“I’m good” can be an honest answer. It can also be the quickest way to avoid a conversation you don’t know how to have.

Sometimes finding the words is difficult. Sometimes you’re afraid that opening up will change how someone sees you. And sometimes you’ve spent so long handling things alone that asking for support feels unfamiliar.

I don’t believe every private struggle needs a public audience. But there should be room in a man’s life for an honest answer—even when that answer is, “I’m having a hard time.”

That room doesn’t create itself. It takes trust, patience, and people willing to listen without immediately turning vulnerability into a joke or a lecture.

Marriage Requires Uncomfortable Honesty

We spend plenty of time talking about finding the right person. I think we also need to talk about how we behave once we’re with that person.

Can we hear a concern without treating it as an attack? Can we acknowledge where we’ve fallen short? Can we explain what we need before frustration becomes resentment?

These questions apply to both partners. Being heard matters, and so does being willing to hear something uncomfortable about yourself.

For me, accountability means being able to say, “This hurt me,” while still asking, “What part of this do I need to own?”

What Do We Carry After Divorce?

Divorce can leave questions that don’t disappear when the paperwork is finished.

What did I misunderstand? What would I do differently? What am I still angry about? What might I carry into my next relationship if I never stop to examine it?

There isn’t one story behind every marriage or every separation. Some experiences are painful to revisit, and nobody outside a relationship knows every detail.

Still, I believe reflection matters. Moving forward deserves more thought than simply promising yourself that the next person will be different.

Making Room for the Person Behind the Responsibilities

A man can be a father, partner, friend, and provider—and still need someone to ask how he’s holding up.

Being dependable doesn’t mean having an answer for everything. There are moments when honesty sounds like admitting you’re overwhelmed, asking someone to listen, or recognizing that you need help.

That’s part of what I want Unfiltered Exposure to make room for: conversations where people can speak thoughtfully about experiences they’re often expected to carry quietly.

We won’t agree on everything. We don’t have to. But we can stay curious long enough to understand more than we did when we started.

Watch the full conversation with Jeff Clermont below.

What’s one conversation you wish men felt more comfortable having? Share your suggestion through “Join the Conversation” on our website.